My Forte Club (MFC) - The place where the adults come to play!

How To Get Your Wife To Swing

Obviously every woman is different and every couple is different,so our free advice is probably worth what it costs.

So here's our take on what we think works and what doesn't. First of all, you should have a good stable relationship, including a good sexual relationship. You need to be able to communicate freely and honestly about sexual matters, and there must be a high level of trust between you. We have seen some couples who have lost the zing in their sex life turn to swinging as a way to spice it up, which doesn't seem unreasonable on the face of it, but we've never seen this work. Also, the woman needs to be a sexual person. If she doesn't have a strong sex drive or isn't very interested in sex, the odds of getting her into swinging are not great. In short, swinging can be a great add-on to a good relationship, but it's probably not going to happen if the relationship itself needs work.

If your wife thinks that your main motivation for wanting to swing is so you can have sex with other women, it's going to be a tough sell. On the other hand, don't tell her you have zero interest in having sex with other women because she'll know you're lying. Your best bet is to present the idea that swinging would give you a whole new way to enjoy HER. Stress the fact that you are excited by her, and specifically by the idea of her being with other people. Obviously, don't say it if it isn't true. She'll know if you're lying and it'll undermine her trust in you.

You might begin by confiding to her that you sometimes fantasize about seeing her with another man, or another woman, or sharing her with another couple, or whatever version of the fantasy appeals to you. I would not recommend that you mention swinging or present it as anything other than a fantasy about her that excites you. If she seems receptive, try talking her through such a fantasy as you're having sex. If it excites her, repeat it a few times with different variations. Ask her if she has ever had any such fantasies. If so, talk her through her version of the fantasy. In the fantasies, stress how beautiful and sexy she is, how much the other people desire her, and especially how much you desire her.

Once she can relate pleasurably to the fantasy of including other people in your sex life, slowly introduce a little reality.

Show her a swinger's web site, get her
to read a few classifieds with you. Don't suggest doing anything about it, just point
it out to her, have a sexy laugh about it, and move on. If this goes well, try buying a swinger's magazine and get her to read some of the ads with you. Note some of the ads for swing clubs in your area, still not suggesting that you do anything about it. If you've made it this far, she's been able to fantasize about including other people in your sex life and she is aware that there are other people to also think about it, and in fact really do it.

The next step is to get her to do something small. Try getting her to agree to go to a dance or an orientation session. Stress that you don't want to do anything, you'd just like to see what goes on and see what the people are like. If she agrees, make sure you get to meet and talk with some of the people so she can see that swingers are nice people. Ask her if there was anyone there that she found attractive. If so, talk her through a fantasy involving that person. If you are successful in getting her to go
to a few swinger's events, try to get her to get together with another couple and just watch them and/or let them watch you. This is called a soft swap or soft swing. If you get this far, it shouldn't be too hard to get her into swinging completely.

The point here is to take lots of little steps rather than one big step. You should never pressure her, but try to reassure her that you'll never ask her to do anything she's uncomfortable with and that she can back out at any time if she feels uncomfortable. And make sure you live up to these promises.

For every 100 guys who try to talk their wives into swinging, I doubt that any more than 5 ever succeed. But if you're one of those five, you're a lucky, lucky man.